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I’ve been going to lots of meetings recently where a clipboard is passed around and people can sign up to speak at other meetings or at rehabs. I’ve consistently signed up for those opportunities over the years but recently I have just been handing the clipboard to the person beside me.
But I started to feel guilty, because speaking is a part of doing service and staying sober. I don’t think I could stay sober without doing service work, which I define as chairing meetings, being a treasurer or GSR for a meeting, being a greeter at meetings, sponsoring people and yes, telling your story at meetings.
So why didn’t I ever sign up for the past year or two? I told myself it was humility, that other people should get a chance to speak, that I’ve done it before and don’t want to try to be the center of attention (trying to be the center of attention has always been a bit of an issue for me).
Was that true? Sort of, yes. But sort of, no. I think maybe I just have gotten comfortable retreating to the back and disguising it as humility. But retreating from service work isn’t humility; it’s laziness. And I think my overall percentages were probably about 50 percent laziness and 50 percent humility.
But a month ago, I decided to sign up to speak at a meeting on Saturday, May 18. And then a friend asked me to speak on Thursday, May 16, so it was basically a speaking tour for me last week. I of course had that feeling early in the week where I considered trying to come up with an excuse to get out of both commitments. But I went through with both of them, and it was awesome.
The thing about speaking is that even if you aren’t a great speaker, or have a strange journey, or don’t have a higher power, there is probably someone in the crowd that will benefit from hearing your message. I truly believe that. I have listened to people who say they hate recovery, that they’re only doing it so they don’t get fired from work, that they think sober people are a pain in the ass… and I’ve seen people nod along because they’re on a similar journey and it helps them. Did it help me? No, it did not. But sobriety is about building a community for yourself, and I don’t have to want to be a part of every community.
The other thing that I was reminded of is that speaking is also good for me. It makes me be accountable for my program. I can’t really get up there and say I haven’t been at a meeting for a year but here I am with my fantastic recovery story!
So I spoke, and I found it very rewarding. I’m proud of my recovery journey, and people generally respond to my overall main message, which is that sobriety is so much more fun and exciting than I ever thought it would be. I probably used the phrase, “We are not a glum lot” 50 times this week.
I’m not going to bullshit, though. Is speaking at a big meeting and having everybody clap and laugh a bit of an ego boost? For sure. But who doesn’t like a little ego boost?
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
"There are just two things an alcoholic doesn't like—the way things are, and change."
(Credit: Grapevine, March 2008, by Anonymous)
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To speak, or not to speak