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We read a portion of “Doctor Bob’s Nightmare” from the back of the Big Book at a meeting the other day. If you’re unfamiliar with it, it is the first story in the second section of the Big Book. I have always found the stories in the back of the book to be so important, because they illuminate everything you read before it. In fact, I sometimes think history textbooks might be better and more interesting if you lay out what happened, then had an essay from somebody involved in the historical event.
Here is the specific section of Dr. Bob’s Nightmare that I wanted to address. It’s from pages 180-181:
I spend a great deal of time passing on what I learned from others who want and need it badly. I do it for four reasons:
—1. Sense of duty
—2. It is a pleasure.
—3. Because in so doing I am paying my debt to the man who took time to pass it on to me.
—4. Because every time I do it I take out a little more insurance for myself against a possible slip.
Wow, so much of that hits home for me. I actually want to take it point-by-point because I think there is something valuable in each.
First of all, in the paragraph before the list, I zeroed in on that first sentence: I spend a great deal of time passing on what I learned from others who want and need it badly.
I love that first part, that he spent a great deal of time doing it. Not “once-in-awhile” or “sometimes.” He says “a great deal of time.” I think that is critical. Every minute I am doing that kind of 12-step work with another alcoholic or addict, it’s better for me than whatever else I could have been doing.
And in the second part of that sentence, he makes a key comment for me: “from others who want and need it badly.” I used to exchange numbers with newcomers and then go out of my way to call them and send them lists of good meetings and a bunch of other unsolicited recovery stuff. But I would often spend weeks tied up trying to convince people that recovery was right for them, when they weren’t ready. I don’t do that any more. I always approach newcomers and exchange info. But if I never hear from them, they never hear from me. It sounds harsh. But I learned that I really want to make sure I am available for the people who “want and need it badly.”
OK, now for the list. I love the list. It sums up what might be the most powerful tool that has kept me sober—fellowship. I do feel a sense of duty to make sure I am working with others, regardless of how busy my life is. In reality, my life is busy and full because I worked with others in the past. I have to always make sure I don’t forget that.
Is it a pleasure? I would say yes. There has definitely been some heartbreak for me over the years when somebody doesn’t make it. I certainly have been to more funerals than I would like. But I have had very few feelings that land harder on me than when I see somebody who celebrates a sober anniversary after I saw them come to their first meeting. I just got overwhelmed at a meeting recently when a friend said he had 10 years sober… I had met him at his very first 12-step meeting, and he wasn’t even the same human being on his 10-year anniversary. That is a pleasure to me.
And with the final point, it really is an insurance policy against me slipping up. I think my time with other alcoholics has been the best investment I have ever made, and it continues to pay huge dividends. So why would I stop doing it?
I left the meeting that night grateful for Dr. Bob to have had his nightmare, and grateful that I have had my own nightmare, and that so many of my friends have had their nightmares to share with me. I guess we are one big, happy nightmarish family!
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
At a recent AA meeting, a long-winded speaker began describing every detail of his drinking. After an hour, when the meeting was supposed to end, half the audience got up and left. However, the speaker just kept talking. So half an hour later, several more people left. The speaker kept right on talking. Half an hour later, everyone else in the audience got up and left—everyone except one woman.
At last, the speaker wrapped it up. “Oh my gosh!” he said, looking at his audience. “Where did everybody go?”
“You talked so long they left,” the woman replied.
“That’s terrible! I had no idea I was going on so long,” the speaker exclaimed. “But tell me, why did you stay?”
“I’m the next speaker,” she replied.
(Credit: AA Grapevine, October 2000, Anonymous from Manhatten, New York)
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