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John Madden died recently. He was a legendary sports broadcaster who was also well-known for pitching a zillion different products and putting his name on a video game that changed the esports industry forever.
I ended up reading and listening to a lot of discussions about Madden’s impact, and I heard one story about him that really stuck with me. A TV producer friend of his said Madden once mentioned he had to call another TV producer friend of his who was in his mid-20s.
Madden’s friend gave him a quizzical look and said, “You’re 75 years old and retired. How do you know a TV person in his 20s?”
Madden replied that he met him once, and liked him and was rooting for him. But then he told his friend that he thinks it’s very important for people to always have friends in every age class. So he said he wanted to have at least a friend or two in their 20s, 30s, 40s and so on. He said when he was in his 30s, he made sure he talked regularly to people in their 80s and 90s.
His friend still had that befuddled look on his face, and Madden elaborated. He said he thought it was valuable to have wisdom from all age groups and demographics. He said he saw too many 20-year-olds who only talked to 20-year-olds, and too many 55-year-olds who only heard from other 55-year-olds.
Wow, that hit home for me when it comes to recovery. I have gone through many phases in sobriety regarding my circle of support. At the beginning, I was 32 years old and had a mix of other 30s people who were new to sobriety—most of them were fellow newcomers from my rehab—and a large group of men in their 50s and 60s with long periods without drugs and alcohol. I eventually migrated more toward the old-timers because I saw a lot of relapsing going around with my peer group and I felt like I needed to stick with people who had what I wanted.
A few years into sobriety, I found myself gravitating more toward people at a similar stage of their life: lates 30s/early 40s, married with kids, doing okay in their career but not the CEO of their company. I liked being around people battling through the same stuff, at the same time, as I was.
But I also have subscribed to something similar to what John Madden described. No matter where I’ve been in recovery, I almost always end up talking regularly with somebody who’s 25, 35, 45, 55, 65 and 75. I don’t have a lot of people above that in my inner circle, but I am happy to keep adding. If you’re a 100-year-old dude who wants to talk, call me!
So why is that beneficial, you may be wondering? Well, I love the different brands of wisdoms people at all those stages of life bring. I love the energy of young people in recovery, because I often end up seeing people just getting started in life who are busting their asses to make sure they stay sober. There’s an incredible amount of hunger in their recovery programs, and I find that kind of energy to be infectious in a good way.
I like talking to 45-year-olds with teenagers and lots of college applications and middle management headaches because I certainly have experience with those things right now in this part of my life! I also love learning from others in this general demographic about how they keep recovery fresh—I’ve found it pretty easy to fall into a pattern of going to the same meetings and hearing from the exact same people. I love getting into a groove in recovery, but I also don’t want to cross over into complacency. That’s a dangerous spot for me, and there is a thin line between comfort and complacent. So I like hearing other moms and dads with some sobriety under their belt who are pushing themselves to stay sober and keep getting MORE sober.
I guess if I had to summarize why that quote spoke to me so much, it’s that I have found no sobriety requirement for wisdom. I’ve met 30-year-olds with 5 years sober who say the most valuable thing I’ve heard all day, and I’ve heard 72-year-olds with 25 days sober who also provide me with something that made me more sober that day. It just doesn’t matter… but I do think I raise my chances of having an awesome balanced program by talking to all ages and all sobriety dates.
So rest in peace, John Madden… but thank you for the reminder about what my inner circle looks like.
In case you missed it, I put together a fun mini comedy special about my 10 favorite addiction/sobriety jokes. Check it out HERE! (It’s behind a paywall)
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
A slice of pizza is in the stomach, waiting to be digested.
Suddenly, a shot of whiskey barrels down. The pizza lets it pass in front of him. A few minutes later, another shot of whiskey comes through. Courteously, the pizza lets it pass in front of him, too. A few minutes later, a third shot of whiskey tumbles into the stomach.
The pizza asks the whiskey, "What's going on up there?"
"They're having a great party!" says the whiskey.
"Really?" responds the pizza. "I think I'll go up there and take a look."
(Credit: AA Grapevine, May 2006, from Jay C.)
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