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I was at a meeting the other day where someone really captured something that was a big problem for me, and also a big problem for many other people trying to get sober that I have known over the years.
He was talking about how putting down the drink and drugs is part one of the process, but you need to do part two if you want to recover. He used the phrase, “Don’t mistake a better life for a recovered life.”
I was a little perplexed when he said that but I kept listening. He started talking about how that first month or two of sobriety can be exhilarating. People are cheering you on. Everybody tells you you’re the most important person at any 12-step meeting. You feel better. Food tastes better. People that you hurt start warming up to you. It feels like a whole new life has just begun. I’ve heard the phrase “pink cloud” used many times to describe this period.
I felt that. Within two weeks, I thought I was going to be president of the world. I felt awesome. That kept up for awhile, and then I started working the steps and taking service commitments. Looking back, that seems like a minor miracle because my life had gotten so much better.
That dude at the meeting was making the point that so many of us see dramatic improvement and we mistake that for recovery. I could have easily done that. I remember thinking sometimes that I was killing it, that everything was turning around, that I physically felt very good every day. I was on top of the world. And when you’re on top of the world, it’s hard to think, “I need to spend a lot of time and hard work to improve myself.” What’s to improve? I’m crushing this thing called life!
For whatever reason, I kept going and felt no internal pull to rest on my laurels. Honestly, I deserve zero credit. This was the universe or God or something way beyond me. I wish I could say I am a remarkable person who has an insatiable appetite for self improvement. But that’s bullshit. It just kind of happened. Did I play a part in clearing out the booze and pills to let it happen? Yes. But then it was out of my hands.
But I think mistaking a better life for a recovered life isn’t just a newcomer issue. I still catch myself having a job, paying my bills on time, feeling relatively happy, in good physical shape and thinking that the recovery is done. It’s not. Everybody I know who has had a great sober life for a long period of time behaves like they haven’t been sober for a long period of time. I need that mentality every day. Because at the end of the day, thinking I need a recovered life will actually lead to an actual better life.
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
A young man celebrating 18 months of sobriety told the group that AA was teaching him to be "responsible and a cannibal." They hoped he meant "accountable," particularly when he announced openings for residents in his group home.
(Credit: Grapevine, April 2008, by Wendy W. of Portland, Oregon)
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